When you’re in the middle of a fertility journey, it can feel like there’s only one win that counts. Everything else — the research you did, the cycle you completed, the hard conversation you had, the morning you got out of bed when you really didn’t want to — can feel trivial by comparison. But this framing does a quiet harm, because it means you spend months or years in a state of waiting for the only moment that matters. That’s not living. And it’s not true.
Why Small Wins Matter More Than You Think
Positive psychology research on resilience consistently shows that the ability to notice and savor small positive experiences is one of the most powerful buffers against despair during prolonged difficult periods. When the big outcomes are outside your control — and in fertility, they largely are — shifting your attention to the small things you can notice and appreciate isn’t naive optimism. It’s a neurological strategy. Each moment of genuine positive recognition creates a tiny upward shift in your baseline emotional state, and those shifts compound over time.
In the fertility journey specifically, small wins include things that are genuinely significant even when they don’t feel that way: completing a cycle, regardless of outcome. Having a difficult conversation and surviving it. Finding a doctor who actually listens. Managing the two-week wait with more equanimity than the last one. These are real accomplishments. They represent strength, persistence, and growth. They count.
Creating a Small Wins Practice
A simple evening practice: before sleep, identify one small thing that went okay today. Not necessarily well, not transcendently — just okay. One moment of genuine connection. One thing you handled with more grace than you might have. One simple pleasure you actually experienced rather than being too numb to feel. Writing these down, even briefly, builds what psychologists call an “abundance mindset” — not toxic positivity, but a calibrated attention to what is present alongside what is absent.
You can also create intentional small wins — small, achievable goals that give you a sense of forward movement on days when everything feels static. A new recipe. A walk somewhere new. Finishing something you’ve been avoiding. The content of the win matters less than the experience of completing something and acknowledging it. That acknowledgment trains your brain to notice its own competence, which is a form of resilience scaffolding.
The Difference Between Small Wins and Toxic Positivity
Celebrating small wins is not the same as telling yourself everything is fine when it isn’t. You can acknowledge a small positive moment and still hold the grief of where you are. These practices exist alongside each other, not instead of each other. The goal isn’t to paper over the hard with the pleasant — it’s to ensure that the hard doesn’t crowd out the pleasant entirely. Your life is happening right now, not just on the other side of a positive test.
Sharing Small Wins With People Who Get It
One of the particular gifts of fertility community — whether in person or online — is that it’s a space where small wins are understood to be genuinely significant. “I made it through a baby shower without crying” or “I had a good day this week” lands differently with people who understand the full weight of what those statements represent. Finding one or two people who can genuinely celebrate these moments with you, who understand why they matter, is one of the best investments you can make in your own wellbeing during this journey.
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Further reading across our network: MakeAmom.com · Mosie.baby
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider before making decisions about your fertility care.